Yes, Elijah, there is a Santa Claus

My dearest son,

We have shared so many wonderful memories together in these last 8 and a half months. We laughed together as you took your first dip in the swimming pool. We both gazed in amazement as you watched your first fireworks. We were both nervous and excited as you began to crawl for the first time. Now we are going to share another wonderful first, your first Christmas, and there are some very important things I need you to know. 

You will notice that something magical and wonderful happens this time of year. If you listen carefully, you can hear the sweet silvery sound of bells in the air and if you breathe deeply, you might smell the first snow of the season. You will watch glittering ornaments twist and turn as they hang on our Christmas Tree, surrounded by twinkling lights and sugary candy canes. You also might notice this time of year can make grown ups act differently. It can make them louder, and move faster, and gather in large numbers at shopping malls and Targets. You will watch as people ignore the magic and worry more about wish lists and presents and it will make you sad because you will know that this time of year means something much more. 

You will learn about a baby born in a manger surrounded by his mother and father, heralded in by angels, and visited by gentle shepherds. You will marvel and wonder at how much God loved us to send his son to rescue us in this way. We will teach you about Jesus, how to talk to him, how to worship him, how to know him, and how to love him as we do. He will be the star of the Christmas season, the reason we celebrate, and the magic of this time of year. 

But there is someone else that we will teach you about this time of year. Someone else that loved Jesus and wanted to share that love with children, just like you. Someone named Nicholas who long ago decided to devote his life to giving joy to children in the name of Jesus. He would sneak presents into their stockings that were hanging to dry by the fireplace. Yes my darling, that's why we have stockings hanging on the wall, and why one of them has your name on it. He was a servant of our amazing and loving God and we still celebrate him each year. You will know him as Santa. 

Yes, Elijah, there is a Santa Claus and he is just as real as you and me. Now he isn't watching you while you are sleeping, and he isn't going to take your gifts away if you are bad, but he will leave you a present to open on Christmas morning, and he will tuck tiny treasures into your stocking. He will show us how to give, without worrying about receiving. He will remind us to give to those who are in need. We will sing songs about him, snuggle in a warm blanket covered with his image, and even leave a treat out for him on Christmas Eve, but Elijah, my child, he will never be more important than the Creator that he served. 

Now son, I need to warn you. There will be children that try to tell you that you've been tricked, that there is no such thing as Santa Claus. There will be those that laugh at you and that think you've got it totally wrong. But, Elijah, you aren't going to listen to them. No, you are going to listen to the still, quiet voice that tells you how much you are loved, how special you are, and how much kindness and hope you bring to the world. 

So yes, my love, there is a Santa Claus and may the joy and wonder that he brings to you always point you back to the light of the world, Jesus. 

The Second Shelf

Already time for another update? I can't believe it either. This little guy is growing way too fast. He is absolutely the sweetest baby and we have had another amazing month together.

 It started out pretty rough with his ear tubes surgery. Elijah has had 6 ear infections and seems to get one just as soon as one heals. We didn't want him to keep living on antibiotics so we made the decision to get tubes. We went with a great doctor but I did not love the experience at Wake Med. We waited for 4 hours with him in this jail-like crib. He was starving and sleepy but didn't cry at all until after the surgery was over. As soon as we got him home he passed out in his crib and woke up with this very sweet smile.

The whole thing was definitely more difficult for me than him and so far we are ear infection free!

Elijah helped pack his first shoe-box this month. I am so excited to start this tradition with him because I so loved packing one with my mom.

 We also celebrated our first Thanksgiving with our little tornado. Addie was more than happy to teach him how to climb up the stairs. That is what older cousins are for, right? He is now able to climb up all by himself at home which means more heart attacks for mommy.

 He loved playing with Addie's toys and did a great job napping at Uncle Mikey and Aunt Emily's house in their guest bathroom. It was a perfect fit for the pack-n-play, very quiet, and completely dark. I slept in a drawer for some of my early life so I think this is Elijah's drawer story.

 Elijah's meal times don't exactly align with ours so his Thanksgiving meal consisted of Superman, and other assorted chew toys.

The highlight of the day was definitely his first time in the swing. He could not stop laughing, clapping, and smiling. I'm telling you what, that smile is absolutely heart melting. 

We have so much to be thankful for this year. We are a family of 14! Can you believe it? We added 3 to our numbers in the span of a year. It really is such a blessing to spend time together as a family, laughing and playing games. I can't wait to come together again at Christmas. 

Elijah has really grown this month. Every day I think he looks a little more like his daddy. I mean, check out these lashes.

He can crawl with his belly off the ground now, at ridiculous speeds. He stands up using everything and giggles hysterically when he lets go and balances on his own. He cruises around the couch and his toys. He claps, waves, gives rather wet but adorable kisses, snuggles, and he's learned this super cheesy smile. 

We don't put shoes on him during the day because we want him working on those standing and walking skills without that barrier but we wanted a pair for him to wear when we go out to keep his feet a little warmer. He absolutely loves them but also loves the challenge of taking them off. 

He's working on sounds. Sometimes he tries to say kitty and da-da. Haven't heard a ma-ma yet but I know it's coming. Any of his gibberish is pretty cute. When he started becoming more mobile, he fell a lot. He still loses balance every so often and I see this face, but usually he picks himself up and tries again. He is completely fearless. I left some Christmas boxes at the edge of the living room as a barrier for him from the kitchen and he simply climbed over them carrying one of his favorite stuffed animals. 

 As he started crawling, we looked at everything from a baby's eye view. We moved baskets, hid cords, used outlet covers, and patted ourselves on the back for making things pretty safe. Now Elijah's mobility is making us check out the second shelves around the room. What was once safe, is now fair game. All the baskets, books, and movies that had been moved up one row needed to be moved again. It once again reminded me that I can't underestimate what he is able to do. When he puts his mind to something, he is totally determined to find a way and I love that about him. I love that God made him so brave and so persistent and so incredibly smart. So thank you Elijah, for making me aware of the second shelf.

Daily Reminders

Being a mom is absolutely the best thing that has ever happened to me. I have smiled more in the last seven months than in my entire life. I also have cried more and worried more and tossed and turned all night in my bed more. At Meredith we used to always say from the outside looking in you can’t understand it and from the inside looking out you can’t explain it. That’s exactly what being a mother is like. There is no manual that comes with your baby that will prepare you for everything. As wise as those around you may be, even they can’t paint the entire picture for you. And even if they could, you probably wouldn't believe it. There are going to be rough days, and there are going to be amazing days. I have some reminders that help me get through them all.  

You are going to make mistakes. I have made my child’s fingers bleed when trying to cut his teeny tiny nails. I have lost all patience after he has refused to nap all day. I have either woken him up too soon or too late from many a nap. I have locked the cat in the nursery all night. You see where I’m going here. Trying to be perfect and laying on the guilt when you don’t measure up to your own high standards is a miserable way to go about life. Embrace the mistakes, learn from them and move on. (Besides, he’s so little he’s not going to remember them anyways)

What’s right for you, doesn't have to be right for me. Prior to being pregnant, I never realized how polarizing decisions about being a parent could be. From being induced to getting an epidural to which hospital we went to, advice came flowing as soon as we got pregnant. Feed him this way, follow this book, do this schedule, let him cry, don’t let him cry…. The list goes on. Probably the two most divisive territories have been breast feeding and the crying. I am so thankful to God that I am able to feed my child formula with all the nutrients he needs. I am thankful that my husband and family and babysitters can feed my child. I am thankful that in the first few weeks of life when sleep was a precious commodity, my husband could take the night feedings and let me sleep. There is such a problem with mom-shaming in this culture. We immediately think and assume because something worked with our child it will work with all other children. And I will admit, I’m totally guilty of it too. I have worked hard on every decision I have made for Elijah and when it works, I want it to work for everyone else. It comes from a good place but we have to be careful in the way we dispense our advice to new moms.

For me, becoming a mother was a choice. It was a prayer, a miracle, a complete and total blessing. I wanted to be a mother and everything that it entailed. On GMA this week they read a blog post from woman saying that just because she had a child she didn't want to just be a mom or only be known for being a mom. It immediately offended some of the news anchors and I felt myself getting defensive as well. Is my entire purpose summed up in being a mother? No. But this journey was my choice. People get so wrapped up in not having child-centered homes and I completely agree that your life shouldn't stop because you had a child but it should be different. His schedule comes first. His bedtime is a priority. Some days he naps in the car or the stroller but for the most part he sleeps in his crib. Does that mean I miss out on some things? Yes, but that’s ok. I’m a mom now and what he needs just might be important than me.  

Maternal instincts are real, trust them. For me the biggest reminder has been to trust my own ability to make decisions for my child. There have been countless Google searches, frantic texts to Mom, or voice-mails to the advice nurse but when it came down to the final decision, I went with my gut and it thankfully, most have worked out well. I struggled with figuring out how long to let him cry at night, when to move him to the crib for his naps, when to switch to a four hour schedule, how many naps he should have, how to get him to eat solid food and so many more. Everyone has a different opinion about each but when I trusted myself and that my son would let me know when he was ready for some of those moves, things just happened naturally. Now my son goes to sleep without rocking for naps and bedtime within a few minutes. He began to skip one nap each day until he was ready to move to a four hour schedule, and when he was ready to start eating food, he did. He naps 3 times a day still for anywhere from 5-6 hours and that may be more than other babies do but it is what he needs. God gifts us with so much wisdom when we become a mom, we just have to trust it.

There are going to be times when you think you can’t, but you can and you will. I will never forget watching my mom drive away a few days after we came home from the hospital. It was the same day that Jesse went back to work. I sat down on the couch and cried until the tears stopped coming. I was convinced I was not going to survive the night. There was no way I could take care of him by myself, especially after a c-section. By the time Jesse made it home that night, I was completely exhausted, but I had made it. Each day it got just a tiny bit easier. But in those first few weeks, I cannot tell you how many times that monitor would start ringing with cries at 3 in the morning and I told myself there is no way I can do this again. I can’t get out of bed, I can’t do this, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t. It’s those moments when I was sure that I couldn't, that God would remind me that He was the source of my strength, and He would always be enough for me.

It’s okay to cry. People will tell you all kinds of things about how you should feel after having your baby. You should be so in love, so happy, so excited about this new life, and I definitely was. But I cried about almost everything. I mourned the death of my great expectations of how labor would go. I cried over not being able to breastfeed. I cried when the nurse told me I had to get out of bed and walk around for the first time. I cried when my mom and dad left. I cried when I looked down and saw the wreckage that was left of my body. I cried every time I thought about never just being Sarah and Jesse again. I was sure we would never sleep in the same bed again, as one of us always slept downstairs with Elijah sleeping in the swing. I cried when I thought about how much I was crying and that people would think something was wrong with me. It was only after my sweet sister in law Emily came to help me take my son to the doctor and I cried again, that she told me it was completely normal, that it was okay to cry.  It took such an incredible weight off of me to realize that it was okay to be sad, to cry over silly things and to share that with someone else. Trying to hide what you are feeling only makes it worse. Do not be ashamed of what you are feeling. Get help, talk to someone, and know that it really does get better.

Every second is a gift, so treasure it. I can’t believe my child is already 7 months old. Time has flown by and as much as I wished to fast forward through those first few weeks, I desperately wish I could go back and savor every second a little more. Each day, bad or good, is a blessing. Each smile, each adorable giggle, even the naps that just don’t happen are a gift.

No one ever said that being a mom is easy. From the very first moment they lay that precious life in your arms, it changes you and stretches you in ways you can’t even begin to imagine. It is a roller coaster of emotions but it is the best adventure you will ever have. 

7 Months is So Old

I blinked and all of the sudden there was a little boy standing in the crib where I had left my baby. Two whole months have flown and every time I think my son can’t get any cuter he does. It has been a very busy month for our little boy as well. 

In September he started scooting to get around. It did not take long for him to figure out how to crawl around as quickly as he wanted to. Now I spend my days chasing him as he goes on his adventures, usually chasing after Sookie who gleefully plays along (though she pretends otherwise). Just a week or two ago he started pulling up on his toys and in his crib. After one nap I got him out of his crib covered in white flakes... paint that he had chewed off of his crib rail. We had to lower our crib much earlier than expected and now he pulls up on everything he can. 

He loves to play with his reflection in the mirror though it seems he always ends up smooching it. Pretty adorable... and also kind of weird. 

One of my favorite events from October was the Parent Child Dedication at Journey. We do not participate in infant baptism but instead we gather together to honor new parents and new children and make a promise to partner with our church, family, and friends to help raise them to know Jesus. It was such a sweet service and we were so happy that Aunt Emily, Aunt Lisa, and Molly were able to come too.

I love thinking about these two growing up together at the same church. I would love if we could share this picture at their high school graduation and for them to still be good friends.

We also took our first trip to a pumpkin patch in October. He was such a good boy but did not seem to enjoy the taste of the hay.

Then we carved our pumpkin together. Elijah loved the whole process. 

My mom made quite a few of my earliest costumes for Halloween and I was so excited to get to make costumes for my family. For the total cost of $7.00 I made all three costumes for us. It took a little creativity, a little thrift shopping, and a few dollar store tablecloths but it was totally worth it.

I think he makes a pretty cute Dopey. 

So that's us for the last few months. My little boy is so busy and so mobile. He's definitely harder to keep up with but he gets sweeter every day. He has smiled through every ear infection and both new teeth that have come in. He has continued to sleep 5+ hours a day and 11 at night including the time change which he handled perfectly. I could not have asked for a more wonderful baby. 

Whoops... Time for a serious update!

I can't believe it has been so long since I updated my blog. Two months have completely flown by. Look at how much my sweet boy has grown!!!

I believe if it is possible, he's getting cuter every single day, but I'm a little biased. :)

Look at that adorable smile!













Elijah has had so many wonderful experiences in July and August. He celebrated his first 4th with all of the Harmons. There were, of course, fireworks and festive shirts.

He was also able to meet Greg, someone very important to Jesse when he was growing up. 

August brought more family get-togethers where these cousins were able to laugh and play.

Elijah was able to snuggle with both of Jesse's grandmothers and Jesse's dad. 

We also took a little trip home for someone's 31st birthday. I was definitely worried about the 4 1/2 hour ride. I was worried about Elijah sleeping in a different house in a pack-in-play instead of his crib. I was worried about him keeping my parents awake. You name it, I was worried about it.

The ride home was amazing. Elijah took little short naps and played the rest of the way. I had to go sit in the back with him as we got closer to home but he was easily amused. It felt a little strange to turn right on to Armstrong Rd and not drive over the hill to see our house but instead pull in to the first house on the left that my parents are currently renting. That quickly faded as I saw my mom peek her head out of the door and welcome us in to their temporary home.

Elijah took every nap like a champ and went to sleep both nights with no problem. He loved playing with the toys at Grammy's house but he especially loved snuggles with his Grammy and Granddaddy. We had a delicious birthday dinner and enjoyed some Superman cake. We have celebrated most of Jesse's birthdays with a trip home so it was very exciting to continue this tradition.

Elijah had an amazing time walking down Main Street, reading in front of Mast General, and meeting the one and only Aunt Pam. He thought she was pretty awesome. We took him on a walk down Armstrong to see our old house and meet the neighbors. I was pleasantly surprised at how well he handled the whole trip and he was an angel on the way back as well.

These last few months have been huge for Elijah. He is a rolling machine and spends most of his time waking and sleeping on his belly. He has figured out how to scoot forward and pivot around on his belly so I know crawling is just around the corner. He can sit up without help but doesn't quite know how to get that way on his own. He eats one bowl of oatmeal a day and I'm going to start two next week, adding in vegetables soon. He doesn't really need it yet which is why I am just taking my time. 

I decided that naps in the swing just weren't going to work for us so for a miserable few days, I put him in his crib for every nap. He cried, I cried, Sookie stared at me, pleading to make the noise stop. Then on day 3, he slept. It started out small at first, just 20 minutes at a time but it was the sweetest, quietest 20 minutes in the world. Now he sleeps for 90 minutes each time and takes 4 naps a day. The last nap is only an hour right before bedtime. Most people think I'm crazy to let him sleep that late but we never have the "arsenic hour." He is so happy and joyful approaching bedtime and goes to sleep around 8 each night, enjoying an 11 hour snooze-fest every single night. He is such a good baby and I am so thankful to God for that. 

Everyone tells you that it goes fast. That doesn't even begin to describe it. He changes every day and it's happening in the blink of an eye. In just a few short weeks he will be halfway to a year old. That just doesn't seem possible. I am going to savor every second and I can't wait to see what tomorrow holds. 

3 Months Already?

It kind of hurts this mommy's heart that I am already posting 3 month pictures. Things are just moving way to fast. He is getting so big and I just want to slow down and savor every precious second.                                                                                           This month was full of sweet moments. Jesse had his first Father's Day. I can't even tell you how special it is to see how much Elijah loves his daddy and how much his daddy loves him. It will be even more special to share with Jesse in teaching Elijah how much more his Heavenly Father loves him. 

As you can see, we are still working on this friendship. Sookie loves the time when Elijah goes to bed because she gets all of the attention but I do think she's getting a little more fond of this kid. She is also very fond of his toys and will sneak up and steal them away when he is asleep. To her credit, many of his toys look just like hers.

My little sleeping champ has continued to enjoy 11 hour nights and most mornings has to be woken up. He is going to sleep much easier and I am so thankful to God for each blissful night sleep he gets.

I am still not great at helping him with naps and they change every day. Most days he takes short 20 minute naps in between feedings and wakes up very happy and ready to play. Some days he takes one longer nap in the afternoon. I am just so content with our full night sleeps I haven't worried about nap training. That will come eventually. He still naps in his swing as well and all attempts to nap in the crib have been rather unpleasant.

This is one of the many new faces he makes. He sticks his lip out before a meltdown and while very pitiful, I can't help but crack up every time. Usually there is some laughing from him in between the tears so I know he is just fine. 

3 months old and such an incredible person already. There's so much about being a mom that I didn't expect. No one tells you about how much lint can get between those tiny toes. No one warns you about the gross world of neck fat or that baths without a fountain of pee are almost impossible. No one can describe what it feels like when your baby snuggles into your chest just a little deeper and falls asleep or the sweetness of those first smiles in the morning. The things I used to worry about seem so small compared to the worries I carry now. I wonder what Jesse and I ever did before this tiny creature came into our lives. What did we talk about before poopy diapers and tummy time?

This is my son. My treasured love. My giggly sweet ball of joy. My adventurous inquisitive companion who was woven and spun by the creator of all things. 

My Elijah. 

Happy 3 months sweet boy!