A new adventure

40 weeks ago today, I stood sobbing at my doorway watching Jesse drive off to work for the first time since Elijah's birth. As I held my newborn close to my chest, irrational fears completely took over. I worried that somehow in one night I would run out of diapers, or that I would drop him and he would break into a million pieces.

By the end of the night, I knew 3 things for certain: babies are pretty tough, it hurts to even think about laughing after a c-section, and most importantly, I could do this. I could do this. It wasn't going to be easy, and there were still so many things I didn't know how to do, but surviving that first night gave me the confidence that I could make it. It was the beginning of an amazing adventure for me and my son.

We fell into a pretty sweet routine of sleep, bottle, diaper, play, sleep, bottle, diaper, play... I watched him go from struggling through tummy time, to working so hard to roll over the first time, to being able to get anywhere he wants to go. Now I'm watching him figure out how to take steps, make sounds, and discover more and more about this great big world.

From the moment Elijah arrived, I have dreaded leaving him to go back to work. I prayed for months, crying out for a miracle to keep me at home. We've saved every penny possible to keep me here for this long and I am so incredibly grateful for the amazing nine and half months we have spent together.

I thought for a while God was ignoring me, or telling me no. I was waiting and watching so hard for this big miracle that I was missing the little ones all along the way. So many times we worried that we wouldn't have enough, and God always provided a way. I also thought about that first night, 40 weeks ago, when my husband had to leave his new little son to go back to work, after sharing only a week together. In the midst of all of my panic, and my sadness, it dawned on me that he must have been sad too. It means so much to me that he works so hard for this family. I have an incredible husband.

God wasn't ignoring us. Sometimes a no to a prayer might be a not yet, or in our case, I have something better planned for you. Instead of going back full time, I will be a part time interventionist, something I had not even considered. On top of only working half a day away from my angel, Elijah will be with a sweet friend from church who will love him and spoil him when I can't.

Tomorrow, everything will change. Instead of morning snuggles, I will be heading to work, just as he is waking up. While I know without a doubt, that my heart will break a little as I drive away, I can't help but rejoice in how much time I had at home. I wouldn't trade a second of our memories. This isn't the end of our adventure, it's just the beginning of a new one.

Change is Coming

Can we just talk about that smile for a minute? Seriously? You might not believe me, but he pretty much spends the majority of every day smiling just like that. I hate to even say this out loud, but this guy is 9 months old. 9 months! He's been out for as long as he was in and that is crazy. 

Each month I have taken his picture with his current favorite toy. In the last few weeks he has shifted all of his love to his books. They are no longer simply chew toys but tiny cardboard marvels. It totally melts my heart when he makes a beeline for his bookshelf, finds his 3 favorites (Brown Bear Brown Bear, Sesame Street Counting with Cookie, and his Indestructible book), and slowly makes his way to me until he can scoot backwards into my lap. He patiently awaits my reading and diligently turns every page. Just when the book is finished, he gives that look that suggests he would like to hear it again, and again, and again, and you know what? I will always read it again. There will come a day when he won't need me to read his books or won't want me to snuggle with him through his 15th round of Brown Bear, so I will treasure every second of it.

This month has been a big one for my sweet boy. I started this month with dread and anxiety reminding myself every day that I was one step closer to leaving the last 9 months of snuggles and giggles to go to work. My Heavenly Father who knows how many hairs are on my head and who counts every tear that falls answered my prayers in a way that I never thought possible, but that's a different story for a different day.

At the beginning of December, we picked out our first Christmas Tree. We decided on a table top one this year. I didn't want to spend the whole month pulling Elijah out of the tree or taking ornaments out of his hands. We had a slight little mishap with the set up of our tree and I had to say goodbye to some cherished childhood ornaments.

He was a big fan of the tree. Sadly, due to our Christmas card we made this year, Elijah believes that all Christmas lights are meant to be eaten.

We had another wonderful visit from Jesse's grandmother. There were some pretty sweet snuggles between these two. 

We also had another wonderful play-date with Graeme. I love watching these two boys grow up together. They laughed and played and even learned a valuable lesson in taking turns.

Christmas Eve we went as a little family to my brother's church for their service. It was perfect, except for the moment I had the most apprehension about, the candle lighting. After warning my husband that I almost burned down my childhood church (slight exaggeration) when I dropped the candle, the paper ring around my candle slipped down right on top of my husband's lit candle. After a moment of panic and flashbacks, I was able to save the paper and the flame. When we got home, we enjoyed a little jammie story time and then off to sleep to wait for Santa.

Santa did not disappoint this family. He left the biggest, fluffiest, cuddliest bear you have ever seen for my little boy. Elijah and Nicholas are very good friends now.

We gave Elijah a book filled with pictures of people that love him. I hope some day he treasures this as much as I do.

My parents spoiled him rotten this Christmas, as any good grandparents would do. They gave him an elephant that he can push or ride around on. He loves it!

 Merry Christmas!

 We decided as a family this year that we would all spend the night at my brother's house so that the adults could stay up late and play games like we used to do B.K. (Before Kids)

We had so much fun decorating cookies and playing with gifts during the day. I love watching all of the cousins play in the same room. After the little ones' bedtimes, we stayed up late laughing and playing games. Music Catch Phrase was the best.

I swear this little boy gets cuter every single month. 

We ran into this guy at Rocket Fizz in Cary. It might just have been my imagination, but after watching Elijah smile in awe at Batman, I swear as he looked back in total adoration at his daddy he thought, "Yeah, you're Batman, but my dad is so much cooler than you."

Yes, I had just finished reading it for the millionth time, but look at this face, could you say no?

Every month has brought some new development, some new ability. He crawls now like lightning. He can stand up without any help and enjoys it immensely. He also likes holding something in both hands when he's standing up. He leans forward like he wants to take a step then quickly sits back down and crawls to what he wants. I know walking is coming soon. There are whales on his favorite blanket so I tell him every day as I am giving him his bottle what a whale says. He mimics it back to me which is pretty cute. He still says da-da, and kitty, and ga. He looks at me like he is trying to understand what I am saying. He also cried for the first time when I left him in the church nursery. As much as he has grown in these 9 months, I feel like the greatest changes are yet to come.