"You're gonna need a pair of really good running shoes!"

I can't believe it has taken me so long to update this blog. I feel like this pregnancy is flying by and before I know it my son will be in this house. My countdown says that in 94 days my sweet Elijah will be here. 94?! That is not very many. I want to take time now and update everyone on the last few months.

I'm almost 27 weeks and will then be, according to some charts, in my seventh month and third trimester of this pregnancy. That seems so hard to believe. So far, God has really blessed me in making my pregnancy symptoms minimal. The morning sickness lasted through most of the summer and ended by the time school started, picking up again around 20 weeks. I'm pretty tired by the end of the day but I work with incredible people that have helped me out so much. I've got some circulation problems. My feet will go to sleep while I'm walking somewhere or they will cramp up and freeze in random positions until I stretch them back out.

For me the worst two parts of this pregnancy so far would be the sleeping or lack thereof and the impetigo. I haven't slept well since the beginning. I lose feeling in my hips or my shoulder or sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night with pretty terrible heartburn. Elijah also likes to stay up pretty late but Jesse helps out with that by talking to him and keeping him up right before bedtime, ensuring a long night sleep for baby. I caught impetigo from one of my darlings a few months ago and I think it was the most painful thing I have ever endured (so far!).

As far as food goes, I haven't been super hungry like I thought I would be. I fought with salad for a while at the beginning but I can happily eat it now. No crazy cravings except for an awesome day when I turned to Jesse in the car and told him I needed curly fries and pineapple as soon as possible. I have definitely eaten a lot of pineapple so far. I also really love apple juice. Thank God for potato chips and chocolate covered pretzels that got me through the first few weeks.

At my last appointment the doctor had trouble finding his heartbeat because my son was doing so many flips. She told me that I was going to need some new running shoes because he was so high energy. I could have told her that! At first I could only feel tiny movements that felt like popcorn popping in my stomach. Now I can feel huge kicks and flips. I can see them on the outside of my stomach and Jesse can as well. Elijah loves listening to music and me playing the piano but mostly he loves listening to his daddy talk to him. My next appointment is on New Years Eve and I have to do the amazing glucose test again. The drink wasn't so bad. It's the finger prick I dread. Why does that hurt so much? Then the appointments start happening every two weeks.

Sometimes I feel bad for telling someone how tired I am, or how much my back aches. I do not ever want to seem as if I am complaining about this pregnancy. Every moment, good or bad is an incredible blessing that I never thought I would be able to experience. Every day I woke up nauseous I praised God that my child was growing more and more. I am thankful for every sleepless night and each and every cramp. I will be the first one to say that being pregnant is not glamorous. It is not picture perfect or easy by any means BUT it is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

I love our little boy so much. He means the world to me and his dad. I can't wait to meet him and introduce him to all the people that already love him.

I have been playing Christmas music in my classroom since August and everyone laughs at that but for me, every day feels like Christmas. Now that the holiday season is finally here, I am so reminded of an awesome Heavenly Father that loves me and my son enough to send His own son to earth to redeem and save us.

I know that the next few months are going to be tough and then I can't even imagine what life will be like when he gets here but I am excited beyond words for all of it.

Elijah Harmon Durst

What a whirlwind of a weekend! I feel like my feet haven't touched the ground yet and my mind can't stop thinking about this sweet little boy growing inside me. A boy! Can you believe it? Almost everyone that has guessed so far has thought it would be a boy. Jesse and I were certainly the last to know.

See that look of surprise. It's completely real.

These gender reveal parties have started becoming really popular so I knew before we even got pregnant that we would have one. Everyone thought we were crazy to have our ultrasound and not find out the gender until two weeks later but I have to say, it was completely worth it. I would not trade that sweet moment of seeing those blue balloons with so many loved ones around us for anything in the world.

The party was wonderful although I was a complete bundle of nerves the entire time. Bobbi-sue did an amazing job decorating and planning everything to be perfect. I couldn't help staring at the big box every few minutes and wondering what secrets it held.

When we finally opened it we were both so shocked. We have called my belly she and her from the day we found out we were pregnant. We were so sure it was a girl that it took a few seconds to register what those blue balloons actually meant. And then it began to sink in, I have a son and his name is Elijah. I loved being able to share his name with our family and friends. It makes him so much more real to all of us.

We picked Elijah because we both loved the name but we also both love the story of Elijah from the Bible. He was bold and on fire for God and that is what we want for our son. Jesse's favorite passage about Elijah is when he is taunting the Baal-worshipers that their god must be asleep or using the bathroom and that is why he hadn't set their altar on fire. After then having his own altar doused in water three times he prays this prayer, "O Lord, God of Abraham, Isaac, and Israel, let it be known this day that you are God in Israel and that I am your servant, and that I have done all these things at your word. Answer me, O Lord, answer me, that this people may know you, O Lord, are God.." (1 Kings 18: 36-37) Fire falls from the skies on to the altar proving to all that God is who He says He is. Elijah is an incredible prophet not because of what he does but because of what God does through him.

For our son's middle name, we chose Harmon. As my sweet husband would tell you, the word Harmon means unconditional love. It means acceptance and laughter and a family that would go to the ends of the earth for each other. It means siblings, and cousins, and a joyous arrival of a nephew from China. We couldn't imagine a better name for our son.

Yes, I thought there would be pink balloons in that box and yes, there was a small piece of my heart that was sad when blue ones came out but I am so grateful and blessed that there was even a box to open. The sadness melted away to reveal only joy and excitement. I can't wait to meet my son. I can't wait for Jesse to teach him how to ride his bike and play hockey. I can't wait for him to go fishing with his granddaddy and to play catch in the backyard with his father. I am so unbelievably thrilled to be carrying a boy. A boy named Elijah.  <3

Baby Durst is a...

Beautiful healthy baby!

I can't believe it's been so long since I have updated this blog. Let's just say that this pregnancy has not been all Christmas Tree cakes and Cheerwine as I naively hoped it would be. I will not complain because I am so grateful and thankful to be carrying this baby but it has definitely been tough. Still nauseous, still exhausted, still waiting for that glow...

We had an amazing appointment today. We spent so long looking at all of the beautiful features of our baby. We looked at the brain and heart. We counted toes and watched baby dance around. I don't even have words to describe such an incredible work of our Creator.

We will be finding out the gender in just over a week but we realized today it doesn't matter what color balloons come out of that box, our baby is healthy and chubby and has 10 fingers and 10 toes and we love it more than anything in the world.

Pretty cute kid, right?

Our journey

Keeping our secret from everyone was one of the hardest things we have ever had to do. Not only did we want to see your excited faces and have you share in our incredible joy but both Jesse and I wanted to share how good God has been to both of us. Good is not the right word. Merciful, patient, graceful, compassionate would be a better description of how our Father has blessed us.

For anyone who has tried for a child and anxiously waited month after month for that positive test, you understand the disappointment and fear that starts to rule over everything. I began to think it would never happen to us, that maybe God was punishing us for something we had done or not done. So many months that would pass by I would cry myself to sleep praying ceaselessly for stronger faith and more patience. During our first few months and in the midst of one of those prayers, God whispered back to me “I will breathe life into you.” I held on to those words like a life preserver in the middle of the turbulent waves. He didn’t set a timetable on His promise and I knew it would not be my own, but it was still a promise from God and He is faithful to His word.

Jesse and I sat through so many sermons at Journey that we felt so deeply were meant for where our hearts were at. We learned about admitting our weaknesses and our inability to control situations. We heard the desperate cries of Hannah for a child and her patience and season of waiting. We inscribed words on our hearts to build up hope and remind us of who all gifts come from. We rejoiced in the truth that the Spirit would intercede for us with our groaning that could not be put in to words. We found comfort in the knowledge that every tear was accounted for and God heard every whispered prayer. We recognized that having children naturally may not be in God’s plan for us but that there were other options.

As we followed the next step in our doctor’s plan, we both went through testing and received news that while not completely discouraging was not the good news we were hoping for. With heavy hearts we scheduled a consult to plan out our options for surgery for me and what would come next. The Saturday before our appointment, Jesse went out for groceries, leaving me upstairs to put away the laundry with Sookie. I felt a calmness in my spirit and a gentle voice telling me to go and take a pregnancy test. I laughed at the voice, much like Sarah must have laughed at her good news. I took the last dollar store pregnancy test we had in the drawer and seconds later was digging out the box from the trash can to find out what two lines meant. My heart exploded with joy and gratitude and humility that God would bless us with a child. Our appointment that was meant for fear and worry and discouragement became an appointment of great excitement and praise as we watched our child appear on the screen and heard the sweet music of a heartbeat.

Just like Gideon still turned to fear even after God had promised him victory, I still turn back to my doubts from time to time. I still believe that I will wake up and this will all have been a dream. I fear that at my next appointment they will say they made a mistake and there was never actually a child. I choose fear because it’s what I know instead of grasping on to the sweet freedom that Jesus offers me daily. He has been so patient with my doubts and my weaknesses, gently reminding me of His promises all along the way. I continue to pray for my heart to not give in to fear. I pray for those couples who have tried for children much longer than Jesse and I waited. I pray for their hearts, for renewed hope and strength, and for people around them to be an encouragement to their spirits.

I am so thankful that God has answered this prayer. I am thankful that He taught us so much about dependence on Him and patience during this season in our lives. I am thankful of how He has added to our testimony. We are just at the beginning of this amazing new journey in our lives and I am so grateful that we have all of you to help us.

It still seems unreal to be 3 months pregnant. Every once and a while I have to remind myself that it's true, though it's getting easier to just look down at my rapidly growing stomach. Here's another letter. I wrote this one after our first ultrasound.

                                                                                                                                                8/1/13

My dearest one,

I saw you for the first time today. I was just telling the doctor how I still didn't believe that you could be real. Now don’t be offended by that my darling. I've wanted you for so long that it just still didn't seem possible for you to be in me. Within seconds I was staring at the most beautiful sight that I have ever seen. And as if it could get any better, I heard your heartbeat. It was incredible and strong and loud. While I have to tell you that you are giving my body quite a rough time, I love every second of it. You just continue to make me as nauseous and tired as you need to as long as it means you are growing big and healthy.

                Don’t tell him I said this, but you should know that your daddy cried when he saw you up on the screen. He loves you so much already and he is taking such good care of me. I can’t wait for you to meet him. He’s the voice you hear reading a Psalm to you each night.

                God is so good to us little one. You will learn that and so much more about Him when you are born. There are so many people that can’t wait to meet you. You should have seen Grammy’s face when we told her your estimated arrival is her birthday. You are going to be so spoiled by her. And I can’t wait for you to share circus peanuts with your granddaddy. Your aunts and uncles are going to make you laugh until your sides hurt. Your Uncle Matt is a famous musician and will teach you all about the NC State Wolfpack. Your Uncle Mikey is one of the bravest guys you will ever meet.

I love you my precious child. We all love you.

I’ll see you soon,

Mommy

A miracle on the way

My heart is so overwhelmed with emotion at being able to finally write this blog post. I am so humbled at how gracious our God is to work a miracle in our lives and give us the gift of this wonderful child. There are so many things I want to say but I will leave you with a letter I wrote to our unborn child the evening we found out our exciting news. We are so thrilled to share this journey and adventure with all of you and welcome your advice, love, and support.

                                                                                                                                                              7/27/13

My dearest daughter or son,

                Just a few minutes ago my entire life changed because I found out about you. I’ve never stared at anything so hard as I did that pregnancy test because it just didn’t seem possible that you were real. Everyone was telling us we may never meet you but God knew all along what a special and sweet surprise you would be.  

                You have to know that my first thoughts were ones of gratitude to such a good and gracious God to let me carry you. I thought about how we would tell your Grammy and Granddaddy that you existed. I thought about feeling you kick for the first time. I thought about how sweet it would be to watch you and Addie and Molly, Leah, Daniel (and soon Jack!) grow up so close in age and distance to each other. I thought about how much your daddy loves you now and how that can only grow more as you get older.

                I can’t wait to meet you. I can’t wait to hear your voice and see your sweet smile. I can’t wait to hold your hand and pray over you. I can’t wait to teach you about the God of the universe that loved us enough to give us you.

                So baby boy, or baby girl, enjoy your time in mommy’s belly. Grow strong and chubby and healthy. We will see you soon.

Love,

Mommy 

XXVI

26 years ago today, at 3:38 am, I made my first appearance. 26 years later I could not be more grateful for the journey that I've had so far. I have been blessed with the most incredible family and friends along the way.

This has been a wonderful year. I can't wait to see what the next will bring.

Today was a fairytale

This is not a "my husband is the best husband in the world" post (although I feel I could argue a very strong case for it). 

I love when this day rolls around every year because I know that I will be showered with gifts. It's happened every year since I met my husband. My mom told me then, "Enjoy it now because as soon as you get married, all that will stop." Thankfully and to my great joy, it has not stopped at all. 

This post is also not a bragging rant about my gifts or flowers, while both are wonderful, they are not what I treasure most. 

Jesse is the best gift that I could have ever asked for and I am reminded of that in small ways every day but especially every February 14th. God knew that the little girl who watched Snow White on repeat and dreamed of a prince who would send a kiss by dove would grow up and need a man like Jesse. 

The roses while gorgeous will eventually wither away and the chocolates will no doubt not make it through the weekend but the way that my husband loves me and the way I love him will never lessen or fade. It only grows stronger each year.

So that's what today is all about for us. A chance to celebrate our love and how far God has brought us together. 

Happy Valentine's Day!