28 Days

I can't believe that in less than 4 weeks (hopefully!) I will be holding my son. This pregnancy has definitely flown by. Oh some days it seemed like it would never end but for the most part, it feels like it was just yesterday I was showing Jesse a pregnancy test with two pink lines.

This is from about 12 weeks. I looked down at my stomach every day hoping to see a baby bump and now I look down and see this.

Definitely more than a bump!

While the days are getting more and more uncomfortable and the amount of sleep lessens each night, all I can think about is being a good mother to this sweet boy that God has given us. I know that it's going to be hard and I know that we will both make mistakes but I also know that God has blessed us with an incredible family and with wonderful friends to support us and help us in this journey.

So my darling Elijah, while I am more excited than you know to meet you and finally tell you how much I love you in person, I am going to enjoy every last moment of carrying you. I will treasure every kick (or full body roll as you enjoy doing each night) and I will savor each good night story your dad reads to my belly. We love you and we are so glad to be your parents.

From Jesse

So for a while now Jesse has been wanting to write a letter to his son for our blog. As you can imagine working two jobs and putting up with me :) takes up a good deal of time but I'm glad that with these snow days, he was finally able to put words to how much he loves his sweet little boy. Here it is. Enjoy.

Dear Elijah,

            It was the month I turned 30, August 2013. Just a few days before my birthday your mother took a test that at first she didn't believe, couldn't believe. The test said she was pregnant and you were on the way.  A few weeks later found us at the doctor’s office, buried deep in our thoughts. Was the test correct? Was this incredible feeling going to turn out to be a false alarm? We held hands as the doctor came in and placed the ultra-sound up to your mother's stomach.

            The Bible says in Jeremiah 1:5 “Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you.....”. The implied  truth of this passage is that not only does God know us before we are born, but He loves us as well. I never understood this message until that doctors visit.  The machine flickered to light and the white noise gave way to a wonderful rhythm, a baseline that after I heard it, I knew my life would never be the same. Your mother and I cried, a lot actually. We looked at each other with love in our eyes and smiled, we were listening to your heart.

            It was in that moment I understood. When I heard your heartbeat, and later saw the very first images of who you were then (you looked like a bean!) I loved you. In that moment, as the office spun around my head, as your mother cried, as your heart beat pulsed like a drum, I knew I would never love you less, or more than I do now. Not matter who you decide to become, no matter what you decide to do with your life, I will love you and with God's grace, guide you to a love much bigger than mine or your Mom's.

            Flash forward a couple months later and blue balloons float to the sky, signaling to all our family and friends your gender and your name. Your mother and I have named you Elijah. In Hebrew it means “Yahweh is my God”. There is nothing more I can hope for in this life, than for you to know the truth behind these words and to understand that you are a gift from God. A gift that with a grateful heart I will do everything I can to ensure you know Him.

            As I sit down to write this, it is February 13th, 2014. Tomorrow is Valentine's Day, It's a day where people express love in all its forms. Your mother and I have all we need, you will be born soon and we will love you, always, no matter who Elijah Harmon Durst decides to be.

With love always,

Daddy.