Being a mom is absolutely the best thing that has ever
happened to me. I have smiled more in the last seven months than in my entire
life. I also have cried more and worried more and tossed and turned all night
in my bed more. At Meredith we used to always say from the outside looking in
you can’t understand it and from the inside looking out you can’t explain it.
That’s exactly what being a mother is like. There is no manual that comes with
your baby that will prepare you for everything. As wise as those around you may
be, even they can’t paint the entire picture for you. And even if they could,
you probably wouldn't believe it. There are going to be rough days, and there
are going to be amazing days. I have some reminders that help me get through
them all.
You are going to make
mistakes. I have made my child’s fingers bleed when trying to cut his teeny
tiny nails. I have lost all patience after he has refused to nap all day. I
have either woken him up too soon or too late from many a nap. I have locked
the cat in the nursery all night. You see where I’m going here. Trying to be
perfect and laying on the guilt when you don’t measure up to your own high
standards is a miserable way to go about life. Embrace the mistakes, learn from
them and move on. (Besides, he’s so little he’s not going to remember them
anyways)
What’s right for you, doesn't have to be right for me. Prior to being pregnant, I never realized
how polarizing decisions about being a parent could be. From being induced to
getting an epidural to which hospital we went to, advice came flowing as soon
as we got pregnant. Feed him this way, follow this book, do this schedule, let
him cry, don’t let him cry…. The list goes on. Probably the two most divisive territories
have been breast feeding and the crying. I am so thankful to God that I am able
to feed my child formula with all the nutrients he needs. I am thankful that my
husband and family and babysitters can feed my child. I am thankful that in the
first few weeks of life when sleep was a precious commodity, my husband could
take the night feedings and let me sleep. There is such a problem with
mom-shaming in this culture. We immediately think and assume because something
worked with our child it will work with all other children. And I will admit, I’m
totally guilty of it too. I have worked hard on every decision I have made for
Elijah and when it works, I want it to work for everyone else. It comes from a
good place but we have to be careful in the way we dispense our advice to new
moms.
For me, becoming a
mother was a choice. It was a prayer, a miracle, a complete and total
blessing. I wanted to be a mother and everything that it entailed. On GMA this
week they read a blog post from woman saying that just because she had a child
she didn't want to just be a mom or only be known for being a mom. It
immediately offended some of the news anchors and I felt myself getting
defensive as well. Is my entire purpose summed up in being a mother? No. But
this journey was my choice. People get so wrapped up in not having
child-centered homes and I completely agree that your life shouldn't stop
because you had a child but it should be different. His schedule comes first.
His bedtime is a priority. Some days he naps in the car or the stroller but for
the most part he sleeps in his crib. Does that mean I miss out on some things?
Yes, but that’s ok. I’m a mom now and what he needs just might be important
than me.
Maternal instincts are
real, trust them. For me the biggest reminder has been to trust my own
ability to make decisions for my child. There have been countless Google
searches, frantic texts to Mom, or voice-mails to the advice nurse but when it
came down to the final decision, I went with my gut and it thankfully, most
have worked out well. I struggled with figuring out how long to let him cry at
night, when to move him to the crib for his naps, when to switch to a four hour
schedule, how many naps he should have, how to get him to eat solid food and so
many more. Everyone has a different opinion about each but when I trusted
myself and that my son would let me know when he was ready for some of those
moves, things just happened naturally. Now my son goes to sleep without rocking
for naps and bedtime within a few minutes. He began to skip one nap each day
until he was ready to move to a four hour schedule, and when he was ready to
start eating food, he did. He naps 3 times a day still for anywhere from 5-6
hours and that may be more than other babies do but it is what he needs. God
gifts us with so much wisdom when we become a mom, we just have to trust it.
There are going to be
times when you think you can’t, but you can and you will. I will never
forget watching my mom drive away a few days after we came home from the
hospital. It was the same day that Jesse went back to work. I sat down on the
couch and cried until the tears stopped coming. I was convinced I was not going
to survive the night. There was no way I could take care of him by myself, especially
after a c-section. By the time Jesse made it home that night, I was completely
exhausted, but I had made it. Each day it got just a tiny bit easier. But in
those first few weeks, I cannot tell you how many times that monitor would
start ringing with cries at 3 in the morning and I told myself there is no way
I can do this again. I can’t get out of bed, I can’t do this, I can’t, I can’t,
I can’t. It’s those moments when I was sure that I couldn't, that God would
remind me that He was the source of my strength, and He would always be enough
for me.
It’s okay to cry.
People will tell you all kinds of things about how you should feel after having
your baby. You should be so in love, so happy, so excited about this new life,
and I definitely was. But I cried about almost everything. I mourned the death
of my great expectations of how labor would go. I cried over not being able to
breastfeed. I cried when the nurse told me I had to get out of bed and walk
around for the first time. I cried when my mom and dad left. I cried when I
looked down and saw the wreckage that was left of my body. I cried every time I
thought about never just being Sarah and Jesse again. I was sure we would never
sleep in the same bed again, as one of us always slept downstairs with Elijah
sleeping in the swing. I cried when I thought about how much I was crying and
that people would think something was wrong with me. It was only after my sweet
sister in law Emily came to help me take my son to the doctor and I cried
again, that she told me it was completely normal, that it was okay to cry. It took such an incredible weight off of me to
realize that it was okay to be sad, to cry over silly things and to share that
with someone else. Trying to hide what you are feeling only makes it worse. Do
not be ashamed of what you are feeling. Get help, talk to someone, and know
that it really does get better.
Every second is a
gift, so treasure it. I can’t believe my child is already 7 months old.
Time has flown by and as much as I wished to fast forward through those first
few weeks, I desperately wish I could go back and savor every second a little
more. Each day, bad or good, is a blessing. Each smile, each adorable giggle,
even the naps that just don’t happen are a gift.
No one ever said that being a mom is easy. From the very first moment they lay that precious life in your arms, it changes you
and stretches you in ways you can’t even begin to imagine. It is a roller coaster
of emotions but it is the best adventure you will ever have.
