Our story

I should start this story by saying that like with everything else in my life, I had set very specific expectations of what labor, breast feeding, and the first few moments with my child would be like. I had dreamed about them repeatedly and could almost touch them in my mind. Induction was never part of that dream and so when a week late the doctor told me I was scheduled for one on the next Monday, it seemed so definite to me that my son would come before that. I just knew at any second, maybe even the last possible second he would come on his own. Months ago I was swearing that he would be an early baby and now here I was waking up at 6:28 a.m. on Monday, March 31^st listening to the nurse tell me I needed to be checked in to the hospital at 7:30 to be induced. For the next hour it seemed surreal as we packed our bags, hugged our kitten a little tighter, and looked back at our house as though the same people would never return. I still held on to the thought that at any second my water would break and we would tell people this funny story of going in to labor on our way to be induced, but it wasn’t meant to be.

 We checked in to room 229 and I put on the most stylish hospital gown I have ever seen. 

Jesse and I held hands and waited anxiously for someone to come in the room and start the process. With so many people in my life uttering some form of the phrase “Oh, you do not want to be induced!” or “You just need to hope he comes before that,” you can guess how high my stress level was when an hour later a nurse finally walked into the room. She said that they had an emergency delivery arrive right after me but they were ready to get started. First came the IV and some blood work, nothing enjoyable there. There was what seemed to be an endless line of questions and then at 9:30, they started my Pitocin drip at the smallest amount possible. I could feel contractions a little more strongly but it was nothing compared to 30 minutes later when the doctor came in to break my water. The nurse and doctor both promised I would be holding my son before 5 that night and Jesse and I rejoiced that things were moving so quickly. It wasn’t 5 minutes after my water was broken that the intense contractions started. Everything I had learned about breathing left the room because the pain was so sudden and so strong. I moved to the glider and Jesse and my mom took turns holding my hand and reminding me to breath. An hour of those contractions went on and finally they gave me some morphine. Dr. Creighton wanted to wait on an epidural to make sure the induction was working. Morphine is a strange thing. It didn’t change the amount of pain at all, it just changed the way my brain interpreted it. I immediately felt some peace and was able to breathe through my contractions much better. This only lasted about 30 minutes and then wore off as all of the pain came rushing back. I remember trying to take a bite of lemon Italian ice in between each contraction when all of the sudden the breaks stopped. I asked Jesse to check the monitor and he as calmly as he could told me that the contraction was not stopping, it would come down for a second then immediately go back up. I began telling him that I couldn’t do this, that the pain was unbearable and that I was giving up. I’m not sure what I thought would happen but it seemed like the only thing running through my mind. The nurse seeing the incredible pain I was in made a quick call to the doctor and she decided I could have the epidural now. I promised myself I wouldn’t look at the needle and instead focus on the relief that it would bring. The anesthesiologist walked in and I called him Santa Claus. Within minutes I was hooked up to the epidural and the contractions disappeared as if they were never there. Jesse watched the monitor and said they looked exactly the same but I couldn’t feel a thing anymore. Downside to epidural is the catheter and being confined to the bed but it was worth having a break. I enjoyed an entire Italian ice in peace. My parents came up to the room and saw that I was finally getting some relief which helped them as well. 

Every time they checked my cervix I was 2 more cm dilated and things seemed to be going as well as they could. They even turned down the Pitocin because I was doing so well on my own. The day seemed to be flying by for me and Jesse. Every time we checked the clock, 5’oclock was even closer. Well, it may be closer to 8 now is what the nurse told us. That seemed fine too as Jesse was adamant this baby be a March baby. At 7:30, shift change as we learned quickly, we said goodbye to our incredible nurse and two new nurses came in. I did not enjoy a single second of them. They whispered at the computer almost the entire time as one was being trained on Rex’s system. It wasn’t long until I could feel an incredible pressure which surprised me considering I had felt nothing blissfully for hours. The nurses told me it was finally time to start pushing. Once again, those expectations entered my mind of what this moment would be like. The doctor would come in and they would change the bed to look more like a delivery bed and the whole world would shift to just pushing and waiting for that baby to arrive. Not at all what happened. No doctor came in. Every time I felt a contraction I was told to push 3 times. Sometimes the nurses stood around me and counted and sometimes they were hovering over the computer and Jesse would take over. They would check every so often and tell me that he was getting closer and closer and that one could even see his head on one of the pushes. Jesse excitedly texted my mom that we were at the finish line. I was in such pain but it didn’t matter because things were almost over. I kept looking back at my husband, so thankful that I had this incredible man by my side. He was my rock through every contraction, praising me, comforting me, brushing the hair out of my face and holding my hand tightly. With every minute that passed I could feel my energy slipping away and started to lose hope that I could get this baby out. Every so often they would tell me my son’s heart rate was dropping and would put an oxygen mask on me which made pushing even more difficult. Two hours into pushing the doctor made her appearance and upon checking informed us that my sweet boy was turned sunny side up, was stuck on my pelvic bone, his head was swelling, and that the only choice was a c-section. Just like that, all the air left the room. This wasn’t the plan. I could push him out, I knew it. Maybe they could use the vacuum, or I could change positions to help him shift where he needed to be. The word c-section just hung in the air. I did what any girl would do in this moment of fear, I sent for my mom. She came quickly and offered just the calm strength that I needed to realize that this was what was best for my son and that was most important in this moment. I asked how long it would take and they all assured us my son would still be born in March. They finished getting me ready for surgery and started to wheel me out when an emergency c-section jumped in front of us. Now it would be an hour and a half wait if not longer. The contractions were continuing and getting stronger and I could no longer push so I just had to endure the pain as well as let the fear of a c-section grow larger and larger. The anesthesiologist came back and told us that because I had an epidural in for so long they would have to take it out and give me spinal block. The risk with having both would be that it would go up to high and paralyze my lungs as well requiring me to have a breathing tube down my throat during surgery. That sounds fun doesn’t it. The reality started hitting, no baby in March, no normal delivery, no snuggling with my son immediately after his birth… it just kept coming. I remember apologizing profusely to Jesse that I didn’t push hard enough, that I wasn’t strong enough to have this baby normally. Thank God for my incredible husband who stayed so supportive and uplifting through the whole thing. After waiting every agonizing minute of an hour and a half, the doctor came in and said it was time to go. I said goodbye to my parents and was wheeled down the hall towards the closed double doors.