I now pronounce you husband, wife, son, and cat: Goodbye

Dear Ron,

Today I am going to have to say goodbye to you and I need to be honest with you, I’m not ready. I don’t know that I would ever have been ready for it, but now? Today? It’s far too soon for this to happen.

I want you to know that before I met you, the idea of in laws terrified me. I was so worried about saying the wrong thing or making a fool of myself, but you instantly accepted me. Without conditions, without questions, you loved me and welcomed me into your family. I never told you how much that meant to me but I’m hoping that you knew.

I can’t help but be angry about this. I’m angry that I can’t make sense of this senseless situation. I’m angry that we didn’t have longer with you. I’m angry that my son is going to grow up without you around. I’m angry that your son will have to do the same. I’m angry that the perfect surround sound memory that I have of your laughter is going to fade slowly over time to where I will hardly remember it no matter how tightly I hold on to it. But that anger is not going to bring you back and it is not what you would want for me.

Sometimes the memories sneak up on me and take me by surprise. All of the sudden I’m back at our wedding reception trying to keep up with you on the dance floor. Or I’m sitting around the table with family savoring your world famous Ronnie burgers. I can so clearly hear you say “Hey sweetheart” when I would get out of the car in your driveway. I can see the way you would tear up when you would talk about how proud you were of your son and how much you love your grandson.

My heart is overwhelmed with sadness. You never got to hear Elijah say “Granddaddy Ron” but I’m sure it would melt you heart the way it does mine. You won’t be there at birthdays or holidays, ball games or weddings. Losing you is a startling reminder at how fragile life is. It is a painful prompt to tell the ones we love how important they are to us every day, to speak love to those around us, and that is what you would want for us.

Thank you for every happy memory that you gave Jesse. I want to thank you even for the unhappy ones because all of who he is goes into who he wants to be as a father. He always wanted to make you proud and I’m so glad that he is able to hear from so many of your friends that you were truly proud of him.